[ONI] Captain Alexander "Shiny" Devron

[Erex]

Ok, I'm sorry I totally forget to PM it. Ya, I would like feedback.

[Erex]

Oh the second Silver star? I just found it.

[Naked Crook]

Sure, why not.

[Erex]

Whats the gaffe?

[Naked Crook]

First off...fix the spelling mistakes and the sentence fragments. I want to kill myself when I am reading this. This sheet is on the level of Zelkai Ingalls. In fact, if I put your entire sheet in all caps, I could actually trick myself into thinking I was reading Zelkai Ingalls. For the record, Zelkai Ingalls has defined the bottom of the barrel in terms of character creation. Zelkai Ingalls is the absolute and firm definition of the bottom of the barrel...and this sheet reminds me of Zelkai Ingalls in its present state. Let that be your motivation to do better. http://halowarsrpg.forumotion.com/t1...zelkai-ingalls Here are some suggestions: Throwing people in the brig left, right and center is stupid. Think of a better way for this guy to enforce discipline. Throwing someone in the brig solves nothing, but making them work harder to install a stronger work ethic, and more responsible attitude is smart. It shows that this guy isn't a one track mind, where there is no room for compromise, and everything is equally bad in his eyes. This guy should not be feared by his crew, but respected. The word fear should not even be used when talking about his relationship with other humans. This guy should be a bit older, and perhaps hold a slightly higher rank. I am not convinced of this guys military exploits if he is JUST a Commander. If he is JUST a Commander at 35 years of age, then it tells me he has very little wartime experience, and his methods are not considered to be respected by the brass. He should be slightly older, with more military background. Where the fuck was he born? Perhaps he could of attended a military academy on Earth. This way, you have more flexibility with age, as Earth was not attacked until 2552.

[Erex]

Got it.

[Kairu]

Well I may interject, Cochraine was a Commander when she was 35. If I remember right, she was Commander for 10 years. But I did say she didn't have much in the way of "command" opportunities in space. She generally stayed on the "safe" path.

[cubanpete24]

While we're throwing things on the table. Shiny is spelled wrong. Unless, this guy just misspells things to be cool.

[Erex]

I think its finished. What do u guys think??

[Naked Crook]

A few things still confuse me. You mention the following: "He got hias Silver Star and a purple heart when the Covenant boarded his ship In Memoriam he placed himself infront of the infirmirary where children where hiding after a covenant attack with a shotgun and a pistol and 2 marines held off covenant attacks for 30 minutes." Going on the assumption that "Shiny" is a tactical genius...I pose the following questions: What do you mean when you say "In Memoriam"? Is this a ship? Is this a Destroyer? Please clarify this. Why are there children on a ship of war? Children are evaced on civilian transports, not ships of war. Why was the Cole Protocol not invoked? Why was the protection of children more important than the protection of the ships computer core? The computer core contains the location of Earth, a piece of information that was deemed totally unacceptable for The Covenant to have. A Silver Star should be awarded to someone who prevents The Covenant from finding Earth, not preventing The Covenant from killing a few brats. Why does FLEETCOM hate his tactics if he is seen as an excellent tactical strategic officer? The notion of him being a great tactical strategic officer should not contradict the opinion of FLEETCOM. If FLEETCOM dislikes his tactics, why should anyone like his tactics? These are just some vital questions.