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Default 08-08-2011
  #1
schectergitarrguyy
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schectergitarrguyy is I don't know half of you half
as well as I should like, and
I like less than half of you
half as well as you deserve.
 
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okay, review, maybe suggest a title? idk, i just thought i would take a crack at the whole Medieval fantasy writing thing. i know, the names are weird.




A Brief Description of Lavalia

Like most stories, this one begins in a quiet and secluded little town. It' name is Bedonil, and is mainly inhabited by humans, although Elves have been known to come from their vast forest a litte to the Southwest and visit. On a clear day those of the sharpest eyes could make out the tops of the Ullard Mountains, the primary home of the Dwarves and the Ralnir, a race of airborne creatures we would call Dragons, but we would also notice some distinct differences. Such as their fur, and shorter tail. Anyway, back to the town of Bendonil. A river ran a mile or two to the Southeast, and a few boathouses were placed along the river at it's widest point. The main language of the continent of Lavalia was identical to ours, but under a different name, Balvish. Another similarity is the average height. The men and elves are only on average a few inches shorter than us. I believe that you now have a general knowledge of the middle of Lavalia, and the before too long you will know the continent like the back of your hand. Now, we must begin to get acquainted withthe multitude of people we will meet along this epic journey.


Some of the people we will meet

First, we meet Bendonil's greatest carpenter, Denunil. A man of average height and slim yet muscular build, he is also one of the best fighters in Bendonil. At the present he is overseeing the end the framing process for the last house on the row.
"Balkin! Hurry up! I'm needed at the Pavilions to help set up by 4 O'clock!"
"Yessir!"
Balkin hurried with his task, but Denunil left anyway, for it was growing near half past 3. He began the walk across town to the Pavilions to help set up the tables for the Harvest Festival.

Hannon, the town's chief blacksmith, was working the bellows of his forge. He was a tall and stocky man, his job required it. He was Denunil's closest friend, and had known Gwildom since the beginning of the War of Klarnith, which was quite some time ago. Hannon was working on the last of the nails that had been ordered for the Festival.

The afore-mentioned Gwildom is an Age-or-two old Wizard who has had a major part in the freeing of over half of Lavalia from Trynlaen and his mass of Mirdan from the North. He had settled in Bendonil as a doctor, bard and tale-teller. He had a small neatly-kept beard, medium-length black hair and wore what we would call a Fedora. He was a most unusual man, his mannerisms were far greater than eccentric, but he told the most thrilling stories.


The Adventure's Beginning

Hannor was pacing his front room. An Elf by the name of Shalrin had brought some most distressing news.
"Are you sure that this is not a false report, by someone of an ill cause?" he asked the Elf.
"Quite," Shalrin replied. "This informant is an ancient friend of mine. I did not see a hint of deceit in his eyes"
"I believe you. This is disheartening news indeed"
There came a rap on the door and in walked Denunil.
"You're early," said Hannor in a grave tone. "A pleasant surprise."
"What's got your panties in a bunch Hannor?"
"Shalrin came with some bad news." he replied. "I did indeed..." Denunil sobered up. "What's happened."

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Default 08-08-2011
  #2
Hells Sniper
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That was really good, loved how you were writing it, a narration as the story was happening. You also gave an insight to the main antagonist, as I can only presume, and the back story to a war.

You explained the scenery very well, and I imagined the town with ease.

I also liked how you compared them to us, it gives the ready a more "homey" (I dunno how to spell it lol) feeling, and I liked that a lot.

In the end, very well written, the names were nice, and the details were superb!

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Default 08-08-2011
  #3
schectergitarrguyy
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schectergitarrguyy is I don't know half of you half
as well as I should like, and
I like less than half of you
half as well as you deserve.
 
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thanks! this is still like, 1 grit sandpaper rough draft

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Default 08-08-2011
  #4
Naked Crook
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I also like the narration!

Obviously...we can all thank the NHRPG for building excellent story structure in our youth!

lol...but seriously...very good piece of work.

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Default 08-08-2011
  #5
schectergitarrguyy
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schectergitarrguyy is I don't know half of you half
as well as I should like, and
I like less than half of you
half as well as you deserve.
 
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lol thanks jon

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Default 08-08-2011
  #6
Hells Sniper
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lol

I am really interested in this War of Klarnith...perhaps try to cover that backstory a bit during the book.

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Default 08-08-2011
  #7
schectergitarrguyy
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schectergitarrguyy is I don't know half of you half
as well as I should like, and
I like less than half of you
half as well as you deserve.
 
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ill definitely work that in

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Default 08-08-2011
  #8
Hells Sniper
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Awesome, but it's looking good man.

Good luck!

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Default 08-08-2011
  #9
schectergitarrguyy
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schectergitarrguyy is I don't know half of you half
as well as I should like, and
I like less than half of you
half as well as you deserve.
 
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thanks, i think im gonna need it XD
i see major hand cramps in my future

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Default 08-08-2011
  #10
Hells Sniper
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lol...you'll probably get some headaches too xD

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