Adventures of Space Engineer, in Space pt 1

[cubanpete24]

[SHEET] Name: Gordon Kaluke Species: Human Gender: Male Age: 24 Height: 6'1 Weight: 200 lbs Physical Build: Average upper body, Very muscular legs. Organization / Allegiance: Highest bidder, free food. Rank: Bounty Hunter Ship: "Aloha Oe" Classification: Fighter Personality: Reclusive, Intelligent, dexterous, deceptive, easy to get along with, has a temper that he's working on, not above thieving, but is mostly honorful Backstory: Gordon Kaluke's only claim to fame is that he is an...okay guy. Not particulary loved or cherished by anyone except his mother, he wanders the galaxy hunting down bandits and outlaws. He was raised in Sydney Australia, by a single mother. When she couldn't afford food, Gordon would take to swiping food from food stands and bakeries. When he turned 18, he joined the Alliance Navy, and was discharged 5 years later. Using his last paycheck, he purchased his own ship, and now scours the galaxy, hunting down bandits and outlaws. He still hasn't told his mother that he was discharged.[/SHEET] [SHEET] Name: Jeeves Species: Combat Drone Gender: VI Age: 14 years old Height: n/a Weight: n/a Physical Build: Spherical Organization / Allegiance: Gordon Kaluke Rank: n/a Personality: Programmed to tell jokes, and ID people on the Galaxy's most wanted. There's not much to personality in this VI. Backstory: When Gordon was 8 years old, he was in dire need of friends. So he made his own. As the years went by, Jeeves was upgraded to suit Gordon's needs, he can serve as a long range communications antenna, extranet hotspot, he's outfitted with a 100 volt shock emitter, and most important of all, a Joke matrix. On Gordon's command, mostly in times of great distress, Jeeves has over 1000 jokes and puns to lighten up the mood. He remains Gordon's most prized possession.[/SHEET] PART 1 Omega, Sector 4B Gordon was sitting around a fire with a Spacer, he was wearing a raggedy brown robe. Gordon: Did to Spacer: Did not Gordon: Did TO! Spacer: You did not…Take on a pack of vorcha with a tooth brush and industrial grade DENTAL FLOSS! Gordon: I did! I’d show you the toothbrush if it wasn’t in some Vorcha’s jugular… Spacer: Do Vorcha even have jugulars Kaluke? Gordon: I don’t even know, Did you know Salarians have more than one cloaca? Spacer: They do not Gordon: They do to! Gordon took a spoonful of beans, and chowed down. Spacer: You are just full…of so much crap. Literally every word that comes out of your mouth, is just…garbage. Gordon: Well the good news is that I won’t be hauled away as garbage… Gordon unholsterd his carnifex, and pointed it at the Spacer, he raised his hands as the gun unfolded in Gordon’s grip. Spacer: I thought you weren’t alliance! Gordon: I’m not. Spacer: THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP? Gordon: Fido Killimar, you’re wanted for child abduction, and murder. Gordon got up from his seat, and let his robe slip off, revealing his specialized Alliance uniform. Gordon: If there is one thing I hate more than having to go toe to toe to a pack of Vorcha…it’s having to conversate with a monster like you… Spacer: So you're a bounty hunter... Gordon: The very best...Now I've got a grieving mother whose going to be very happy to see you... Gordon shot the Spacer with a concussive round, it knocked him off his ass, and rendered him unconscious Gordon: Goddam freak… Wrong Address Gordon walked down the residential area of Omega, whisteling a tune as he did, and ignoring all the looks he got from the unconscious body he was dragging via rope hogtied to his legs. Gordon: Jeeves! Address please. A holodrone had materialized to the right of Gordon. It hovered around him. Jeeves: 222 Dolomar villa, Sector 4B. Gordon: Now I know we’re on Sector 4B, now where the hell is this dolormar villa?! Jeeves: No data available. Gordon sighed. Gordon: You disappoint me Jeeves, tell a joke. Jeeves: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom. Because the P is silent. Gordon: 1. I’ve heard that one before, might be time to refresh your joke matrix. And 2. There’s no such THING as a pterodactyl, the correct term is “pterosaur”, give me another one. Jeeves: Why can’t you hear a pterosaur going to the bathroom. Gordon: Forget it. Gordon looked to a random Turian on the street. Gordon: HEY TURIAN! The Turian looked over to Gordon Gordon: Mind telling a Tourist where the hell 222 Dolomar Villa is? Turian: Beats me. Gordon: Look mate, I really just wanna get this job done, can you just tell me where it is? The Turian rolled his eyes, and pointed in a direction. Gordon: THAT DOESN’T EXACTLY HELP ME! I WAS GOING IN THAT DIRECTION ANYWAY! The Turian crossed his arms and shrugged. Gordon: OKAY! FINE! IGNORE ME! Gordon adjusted his grip on the rope that was dragging the Spacer. Gordon: I’LL FIND THIS VILLA PLACE ON MY OWN! 10 MINUTES LATER Gordon: WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS FUCKING VILLA LOCATION. Spacer: What’s going on… Without looking, Gordon unholstered his carnifex, pointed it at the Spacer’s head, and shot a concussive round. Knocking him out again. Vorcha: Me can tell you where Villa is… The Vorcha hissed from behind a dumpster. Gordon looked back. Gordon took one look at the Vorcha, nodded no, turned away, and kept walking. Gordon: CAN ANYONE ELSE TELL ME WHERE 222 KOLOMAR VILLA IS Gordon could hear someone scuttling behind him, he groaned as he started walking faster, but when he did, the scuttling only increased in pace, until Gordon got so annoyed, he had to stop. Gordon: What’ya want you cactus with eyes. Vorcha: Me can take you to Villa. Gordon: What villa exactly. Vorcha: The vil— Gordon: I need you to tell me exactly what villa it is that I’m talking about. Vorcha: Vil- Gordon: Otherwise I’m just going to have to assume you’re going to take me to a secluded alleyway where you and about 5 of your friends are going to jump me, and try killing me. The Vorcha stared at Gordon, his clawy hands were close to his chest. He nervously tapped his index finger on his other index finger. Vorcha: Vil— Gordon: Forget it. Gordon quickly turned away, and kept on walking. 20 minutes later Gordon: TWO, TWO, TWO KALULKEMAR VILLA! ANYBODY!?! Turian: I might be able to help you out… Gordon breathed a sigh of relief. Gordon: Great because I’ve been looking for this place forever – WAIT I KNOW YOU! Gordon had recognized the Turian, it was the same Turian that had refused to give him the directions before. Turian: Now that’s just rude, you know, all you humans look alike too. Gordon: NO….NO….no…I remember you because you’ve got that hat that makes you look like a giant…MAN-BIRD-KITTY! The Turian leaned on his broom. Turian: My mom made me this hat. Gordon: I don’t care, you’ve got info, I need info. Tell me where 222 kalu….kalu… Gordon cursed under his breath, as he couldn’t for the life of him remember the address. Jeeves: 222 Dolomar Villa, in Sector 4B. Gordon: Where 222 Dolomar Villa…is… Turian: Sure, it’s that way. The Turian simply pointed in a direction. Gordon: WHAT?!? THAT'S NOT THE SAME WAY YOU POINTED LAST TIME!!! Turian: Well, with that attitude, I’m glad you’re lost. Gordon glared at the Turian. Gordon: Look…It’s important I get to this Villa. Turian: Oh yeah? And why’s that human, so you can ransack another poor guy’s dwelling? Gordon turned his head, and kept glaring at the Turian. Gordon: See this guy right here? He killed, a child. The mother wants to avenge them, and she won’t be able to until I return this good for nothing spacer… The Turian’s mandibles twitched. He sighed, and pointed to the building right behind Gordon. Turian: It’s the building right behind you. You passed it like 6 times. Gordon: You’ve been meaning to tell me I’ve been going in circles for the past half hour. Turian: Pretty much. The Turian paused. Turian: I know the lady who you’re talking about. The Turian placed his broom against the wall, and walked towards Gordon. Turian: This really the guy that killed her boy. Gordon: Yep. The Turian scoffed, and spit on the Spacer’s unconscious body. Turian: One less asshole in the cosmos… The Turian chuckled, and turned around back to his home. Gordon nodded, and walked to 222 Doromal Villa. He rang the doorbell, and looked to the spacer, he was starting to regain consciousness. Gordon: Perfect timing ratbag, there’s someone who wants to see you. Spacer: Wha….what? The holographic display on the door turned green, and it opened. Gordon was greeted by a woman with an M-3 Predator pointed at his face. She quickly lowered it once she recognized Gordon. Woman: Mr. Kaluke! Gordon: Linda. Linda: Did you have any trouble finding this man? Gordon: Not at all, finding your place took longer than finding the actual perp. Linda smiled, Gordon could see that her eyes were red, but he chose not to mention it. Gordon: Do you need me to drop him anywhere? Linda: Not at all…give it here. Gordon handed Linda the rope he had used to haul the Spacer, he was struggling to escape, but Gordon had tied him up in a manner that completely rendered his limbs immovable. Linda: Where’d you learn to tie a person up like that. Gordon: Well, I have my kinks. Gordon raised an eyebrow at Linda, but she didn’t return the eyebrow raising. Gordon: Joke....Joking... ... ...Right, well, I’ll be on my way. Linda: What about your payment? Gordon: The can of beans was enough; it’s what guys like that are worth anyway. Have fun exacting revenge Linda. Linda: Will do Mr. Kaluke, thanks for everything. Gordon gave Linda a quick salute, and made his way out of Sector 4B A Vorcha stepped out of one of the alleys, and snarled at Gordon. Vorcha: YOU! BLUE HUE-MON! Gordon kept walking. Vorcha: WE HAVE BUSINESS. Without looking at the Vorcha, Gordon spoke. Gordon: Whatever it is I don’t want any part of it. The Vorcha placed his hand On Gordon’s shoulder, Gordon stopped, and slowly turned to the Vorcha. Gordon: I’m gonna need you to remove that tree branch you call an arm off me… The Vorcha glared at Gordon with his flat red eyes. He held up a blue toothbrush, that had blood on one end. Gordon chuckled. Gordon: Keep it, you need it more than I do. Vorcha: YOU KILL ROMCHOMP! NOW I KILL YOU! Gordon swatted the Vorcha’s hand off of him and he took a step back, he reached into his front pouch, as he did, The Vorcha dropped the bloody toothbrush, and reached for his knife. The Vorcha held his knife out, ready to fight, while Gordon slowly pulled out a container that said “INDUSTRIAL GRADE DENTAL FLOSS” Gordon opened it, and slowly pulled out a long string of floss. Gordon: Bring it. THE END