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Twilight Movie Review
By xstarbrite4evr
The New Order Registered User
I feel that this forum community needs some input from me about this movie. Now this is a preliminary review, and I have not yet to see every part of the movie. I will, although it pains me, watch the entire movie this weekend and update this review to give a more accurate review of this movie.I will get into details later, but generally, I'd give Twilight a 1 out of 5 rating.
The movie Twilight just sucks- not entirely, but it's really bad and its book-counterpart is not that great either. From what I've heard, what girls seem to be flocking over is not (and I'm assuming that this exists) the romantic plot, but rather the apparent fact that Edward Cullen (Robert Patterson) is hot, which I do not, myself, find to be true. I have asked several friends of mine why they liked the movie. The answer-Edward Cullen.
As for the movie itself and not the ratings people have given it, the movie itself was bad. 1 point for creativity, and that's it. The information given out by the movie is very inaccurate beyond comprehension. In Twilight's sequel, New Moon, when light shines upon Edward, he begins to sparkle. Completely inaccurate. Although it is also inaccurate to say that sunlight kills vampires. Actually, sunlight is like a repellent. It's like when someone continuously pinches you every time you do a certain thing. Next, there is no possible way that Edward could have fucked Bella. Getting an erection requires you to have blood, something vampire do not have. And I'm pretty sure no one like a 107 year old pedophile. Even if Edward had succeeded in implanting sperm into Bella. I am certain beyond a reasonable doubt that it is impossible fore Bella to give birth to a monster, let alone giving birth to a normal child in 10 minutes of impregnation.
The movie associates a hate between the werewolves and vampires. Actually, the science/myth/whatever of vampires, started by Bram Stoker said that wolves and vampires actually have a connection to each other. In other words, the wolves were actually a pet of the vampires.
That's all I have to offer as of now. I will, though it pains me to do so, watch the movie in full this Saturday to be able to give a fair and accurate review of Twilight.
Update 1:
Well, there are a couple of points I missed in this review that I can make before actually watching the movie. Please know that this still isn't a complete review of the movie.
First off, Edward drinks animal blood. In order to live a comfortable life, vampires must consume human blood. Inaccuracy ftw Stephanie Meyer, you fucking idiot. Next point, the other vampires who are trying to kill Bella (thank god for normal vampire... well kinda normal, they still sparkle in sunlight like gay faggots), lure Bella out of hiding by saying they kidnapped her mother. Bella, instead of going yourself, I've got a better idea. You know what it is? No? Well here you go: CALL THE FUCKING COPS YOU STUPID BITCH. Well, dispute the simplicity Bella could have done by pressing 3 buttons instead of running a couple hundreds of miles just to walk into a trap. Good job, you sure would have saved your mother. Anyways, Bella gets bit, yada, yada, yada, yada happens. Then Edward sucks some venom out of Bella. Vampires don't kill people using venom, THEY JUST TAKE AWAY ALL THE BLOOD FROM YOUR VEINS, ITS THAT SIMPLE!!! Also, you want to know what else? You can't just suck a specific substance out of your veins, YOU JUST SUCK OUT EVERYTHING!!! The only way you could achieve such a feat, is with special medical equipment that can filter certain substances. I'm sure the teeth is not sophisticated medical equipment.
Well that's all I have right now. Be sure to check on Saturday for my full review of this movie.
Update (Final):
And the moment you've all been w8ing for. My complete review of Twilight! And I am please to tell this audience that watching the movie has short circuited my voice and that I may never speak again except through a computer voice program. (I got that from the Nostalgic Critic. You videos are awesome! And my voice did not short circuit FYI :D) Anyways. The movie didn't nothing to help it initial rating. In fact, it only lowered it more to a 1 of out Infinity. (Notice how I had to make the scale large to lets you see how much it sucks)
Let's see all the good elements of Twilight:
....uh that's it.
And the bad:
- Zero character development
- In the beginning of the movie, Bella was a socially awkward person. In the end, she's still an socially awkward person. The same is with Edward.
- Terrible inaccurate vampire traits and personalities.
This is the list of traits they got wrong:
- Flies
- Sparkles in sunlight (although they did get this one right in the first movie. I wonder why they changed it.
- Shows up in mirrors
- Requires only a bite from a vampire to turn into one
- Vampires can be burned to death
- Can run super fast
- Can hear other's thoughts
- Powers of telekinesis
- Uses venom to kill a human
Now here is the list of how it really is:
- Cannot fly
- Does not sparkle in sunlight
- Does not show up in mirrors
- Turning into a vampire requires to drink what very minute amount of blood the vampire has left in his body
- Requires a stake to the heart to kill a vampire. Does not have to be wooden, but most are
- Cannot run super fast, but can turn into a bat
- Cannot hear other people's thought, although are really good at inferring what is in one's mind using advanced psychology techniques.
- Does not have powers of telekinesis
- Drinking all blood present in the body required to kill a person
Big list eh? I digress.
- No plot: There was almost no plot in the movie at all. The only time where I actually got kinda excited (the extreme boredom I was in makes the ending relatively exciting) was the ending when the three vampires try to kill Bella. But after a while, only one went after her. WTF. And the way Bella was lured to the ballerina place (w/e the hell its called) was extremely stupid. How could you not tell it was recorded!?!?!?
- Unreal situations: It is possible that people want the be friends with the new person at school. It actually happened to me, it made me happy :]. BUT, and its a big one, it is impossible that on the FIRST day on meting the new person, you know his/her name. IMPOSSIBLE!!! It took people months to get my name, except for this one dude who kept a list of people and their names... creepy...
- The end, how they explain what happened to Bella to the humans. She fell down stairs, okay maybe... She lost a a lot of blood-unless you had an open wound prior to falling... IMPOSSIBLE. You fall out a window after falling down said flight of stairs. Unless we went back to France with their french windows (its a window that's also a door)... IMPOSSIBLE.
Well and that's it. Again my rating is 1 out of Infinity. Twilight just sucks that bad.
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Twilight
03-09-2010
Linear Mode
